The Swords of the King (party)
The Swords of the King is a protagonist party that appears in: The Swords of the King, and the Defenders. A band of mercenaries hellbent on exterminating magic from Endaria. Synopsis The Swords of the King - Chapter 1: The Dragon's Den The sun rose up on a new hopeful day, in a new hopeful world, where three strange men would soon meet: Adolf Hitler, a mysterious man from another world, Johnny McShlong, the hotdog salesman grandchild of two widely celebrated heroes, and the Outsider, an alcoholic mess of a CS:GO player. The three got along relatively well and roamed the streets of Davidisafrenchman Ville in search of adventure, where Johnny McShlong suddenly had the great idea of pitching a hotdog to the dragon's den. The others complied and assisted McShlong in his presentation. The dragons were incredibly impressed, but instead of investing money, they got Levi Roots to hit the party behind the head, knocking them out, so that they could imprison them and steal the idea for themselves. Now in the basement dungeon of the dragon's den headquarters, the party had to try break out. Everyone struggled to get out their chains, luckily, Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler was able to escape first and he opened the cell door and saw two guards outside. Johnny McShlong freed himself next and tried to help the Outsider with his, while Hitler took out the guards. The three ran out of the prison and vowed to take back McShlong's plans one day. The Swords of the King - Chapter 2: The Assassination of Bloseph Blalin Directly after escaping the dragon's den, the three adventurers went into a bar to calm down a bit, as well as hopefully find another quest. There they met Darwick Wavis, currently troubled by having to command the war against the entire communist army himself. Wavis explained that he really needs to get some sort of upperhand, or major event that would sway victory near his path. The party said that they'd offer to help him, if he were able to compensate. Amused, Wavis jokingly asked them to assassinate Bloseph Blalin, since he seems to know all of their next moves before they even begin to execute them, but the party agreed, much to his surprise. Wavis asked them to meet up with two of his trusted intelligence soldiers, Matty Saurus Rex and Padwan Owan Chan, who told the party to prepare for a journey all the way to Galataric to find Blalin. As the party were preparing for the next morning, a man named Greyhound walked up to them and offered to aid them in exchange for GP500. Most of the party quickly pushed away the offer, but Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler willingly paid the amount himself for their aid. Unsurprisingly he did not show up the next morning to set sail. On the boat ride, they met Poe Dameron and his friends Lewis Goblin, who were incredibly nice, but the Outsider planned to rob them, so Johnny McShlong helped him out. Meanwhile, Mr Bell was singing on stage in the dinner hall, so Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler and Johnny McShlong went down to eat and watch him sing. Suddenly, Hitler yelled out "ORGY!" so everyone, including Mr Bell, started going at it furiously. In a foolish act, McShlong picked up Hitler and threw him into Mr Bell's asshole. The strength of the force impacting his ass was so powerful it tore him open, killing him instantly. When they finally arrived at Galataric, the journey went quite smoothly, until they arrived at the tower Blalin was living in, where they had to scale up a maze full of traps and monsters. At the top, Matty Saurus Rex and Padwan Owan Chan revealed that they were actually a separated version of a much larger whole, Bloseph Blalin. Shocked by this thrilling revelation, the party attacked and a tumultuous battle ensued.The party were barely victorious and returned back to Yarrick to tell Wavis everything that happened. Finally, Yarrick had tipped the scales in their favour. Meanwhile, the party settled down in the bar, where they saw a group of rangers on a table, then on a bar stool by himself, was a lone ranger, who turned out to be Greyhound. While they were gone, Greyhound had signed up and joined the rangers, but was outcasted as a loser of the rangers. Though Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler desired to pummel the lone ranger, the whole party knew not to, since he was now a member of the rangers, who held a lot of power in the northern region of Yarrick. Suddenly, after a small discussion, the rangers offered to sell Greyhound off to the party for a small amount, they declined, because they didn't want him at all. The rangers admitted they hated Greyhound and just needed to get rid of him, so they pushed him onto them for free. For no reason, other than possible revenge, the party began to mutilate Greyhound, separating his body from his legs. Despite all this conflict, Johnny picked up Greyhound and kept him as a wild backpack. The Swords of the King - Chapter 3: Jekyll & Hyde Murders in Davidisafrenchman Ville suddenly became more prevalent, and Darwick Wavis was becoming more restless than ever, so he had the party investigate the situation. Several of the reports mentioned that the culprit behind the carnage was supposedly Blavid Blouledi, a strictly Galatarican name. The party searched for this Blouledi character. The first person they asked was Poe Dameron, who was answering their questions very evasively. Annoyed, Hitler read his mind and figured out that Blouledi was an evil alter ego of Dameron that he would just randomly turn into at night, so the party decided to beat him to death, solving the case. As a reward, Darwick Wavis allowed the party to keep Poe Dameron's house. The Defenders - Act 1 Quan and Malo Kuja were in a tavern, where they spotted the party. They proceeded to accidentally confront Johnny McShlong, resulting in an intense battle, which the heroes only just won, since Quan was yielding during most of the fight. Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler saw that the heroes were strong and worthy enough to be trusted, and so, he set them the a job of robbing a bank for him, since they couldn't exactly be seen doing it. The Swords of the King - Chapter 4: NORMAN The group hosted a small housewarming party at Poe Dameron's house for themselves moving in and invited the locals. They met Tyrantass there, who they all equally took a liking to and invited him to become a permanent member of the party, which he accepted. Meanwhile, Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler was surveillancing the party for any trouble, until he crossed paths with Mexican Batman. The two became fast friends and spent the remainder of the party hunting thots that had infiltrated in. After the party died down and the guests had left, a mysterious figure approached them, a boy with black hair who greeted them politely. Without warning, he introduced Disco Norm, McShlong's grandfather, a hero of legend who had seemingly died long ago. Norman then brought in Rhakim Khan, a good friend and fellow hero of legend, who was now wheelchair bound. They explained that an evil force is hunting the boy with black hair for his mystical powers and they need the party's help to secure him until they can reach Tarando University. Everyone agreed to help them and they were to set sail tomorrow morning. Johnny McShlong, Greyhound, and the Outsider went to a local bar, as McShlong confided in them about his concerns with his grandfather among other problems, which subsequently led to a drinking match between the three of them, resulting in McShlong's death, but he was somehow resurrected by the Outsider reciting a "Revenge of the Sith" quote. Meanwhile Mexican Batman informed Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler of the three thot queens and one of them was sighted nearby, so the two investigated. They spotted a thot queen, so they instantly attacked it and a tumultuous battle ensued. They were victorious in the battle and Mexican Batman agreed to aid Hitler in his upcoming quest. Morning arrived and Disco Norm awaited everyone's arrival, but only Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler and Mexican Batman showed up, due to the fact the others were completely hungover and could barely make their way to the ship, thus requiring the aid of Tyrantass, who spent the night on a fruitless search for "scaly pussy". When they eventually made it to the boat, that finally set sail for Południowy, Johnny McShlong met a beautiful young lady and the two had sexual intercourse that very night, while the rest of the party either watched them or stole stuff from her room. When they arrived in Południowy, Disco Norm went into a nearby garage and rocked with a sleek red jeep that everyone got into. On their drive to Tarando, they were suddenly approached by a group of assassins seemingly sent by the mysterious corporation. The boy with black hair then used some strange telekinetic powers to topple the car over on the road, which killed the assassins, but also toppled a nearby carriage that was moving a large amount of horses. The group tried to help out and get the horses to get back to their owner through a variety of methods, including Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler trying to turn into a horse, but accidentally giving himself a horse head permanently. The stable-hand thanked them and offered them a night's stay at his house, which they agreed to. They had a peaceful dinner, but the supply of water was running low, so Tyrantass, the boy with black hair, Disco Norm, and Johnny McShlong agreed to go get him a large chunk of supplies for him, while the stable-hand cleaned up. With nothing to do, Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler and the Outsider watched LOGAN, while Rhakim Khan went to bed and Mexican Batman prepared his equipment in another room. The mysterious corporation had seemingly followed them and had setup nearby and released a cloned version of Disco Norm they dubbed X-2NORM out. It entered the stable-hand's house and slaughtered Mexican Batman, then the stable-hand himself, and finally Rhakim Khan. Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler and the Outsider had gotten to a scene that was very similar to the situation they were in and turned back to find X-2NORM. The clone attacked them, but they retaliated harder and defeated the clone together. When they were victorious they searched the house and discovered the bodies left behind and when they others arrived they explained everything to them. Disco Norm anxious about they're current situation rushed everyone into the jeep and they continued their journey to Tarando. After a tiresome journey, they finally made it to Tarando University only to find Tonald Drump there, a high commander of the Umbrella Corporation. He offered the party a simple deal, he'd resurrect either Poe Dameron or Mexican Batman and they'd give up the boy with black hair to him. Despite Disco Norm's protests to not trust him, they offered him up in return for Mexican Batman, but he instead resurrected Poe Dameron and was about to fuck off, before Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler, enraged by Drump's actions grabbed him. Disco Norm's quest that he'd been on for 50 years was instantly shattered, furious about this he entered his special rage state and attacked everybody. A glorious battle between the party, Tonald Drump, and Disco Norm ensued, with the group coming out victorious, but at a needless cost of life. They had lost many friends and caused needless suffering, but there was nothing they could except go home and speak nothing of the events that transpired ever again. The Swords of the King - Chapter 5: The Swords of the King After many adventures, a full year after their first quest together, the Swords of the King are summoned by Darwick Wavis for another mission. King Darwick instructs the party to infiltrate Galataric once again and retrieve the Blanier Cream, an incredibly rare super anti-aging cream manufactured only by Blaybelline, from Bladmir Blutin. The Outsider and Johnny McShlong got on a boat to Galataric, while Tyrantass got on Taco Nazi Wizard Hitler's back and rid him, while he tried to swim the full length of the journey. On the boat a bad comedian was performing on stage, as the Outsider and Johnny McShlong were sat at the same bar they accidentally killed Mr Bell at. The comedian was revealed to be a West Indian soldier from the Second World War, who was transported over to Endaria by Aku. Sensing someone from his own world was in the ship, Adolf Hitler jumped onto the boat and instantly slaughtered the comedian. When the party finally reached Galataric, two Galatarican soldiers told them that they were formally invited by Bladmir Blutin to dinner, which they reluctantly agreed to partake in. Bladmir Blutin sat at the table and stood up as the party walked in (similar to the Lando sellout scene from the Empire Strikes back). Bladmir Blutin presented them with a roasted dragon that had been killed not to long ago. He offered parts of the body to each member, while he revealed that he'd been telling the people of Galataric that he killed Bloseph Blalin, explaining the odd rise of power, as opposed to decrease. He then asked for our permission to do continue taking credit, but was quickly denied, anticipating this outcome he had drugged the dragon meat, causing the party to slip into a coma. 10 years later, the party, in a countryside in Galataric, are awoken by a plethora of prostitutes. Everyone, including the party themselves, have Grumio's face. All of their equipment, except Greyhound, was gone, but on their way back to Bloscow, they found several dead travellers, which they looted from. They then met a man with down syndrome who gave them a letter reading "Meet me in the tavern xox." They then meet Rose Tico, who also has Grumio's face. She tells them that they they need to infiltrate a ball, being hosted by Blutin, to steal the Blanier Cream, then she proceeded to go on a rant about capitalism. As they travel to the ball, Tico tells them they need release the horses to distract everyone, while she steals the cream. At the ball, they tried to disperse from the party and get to the horses, but the Village People kept them from leaving the ball, so Hitler bluffed, telling them that he needed to go to the bathroom, and he couldn't find it. The Village People laugh and tell them that the toilet is at the end of the dungeon, so they escort Hitler and the rest of the party to the end, where they find the switch to release the horses, as the Village People look on in disbelief. The party go to the gates, where they find Rose Tico's dead body, which was thrown out, because she was unable to help. After a bit of aimless standing, Big Man John, the real spy from Yarrick, tells them that he was the one who sent the note, and that they just left him. Big Man John, however, had come up with a plan to re-infiltrate the ball by entering the talent show and winning, as the winner gets to meet Bladmir Blutin himself. Each member of the party perform their own acts, with Tyrantass winning. Conveniently, Tyrantass was allowed to bring three guests, so the full team was ready to defeat Bladmir Blutin once and for all. As they entered, Blutin revealed six arms from under his cape, each holding a longsword. He began singing "I need a hero" by Bonnie Tyler, in the style of the Fairy Godmother from Shrek 2, as they fought. As the two parties exchanged devastating blows, Bladmir Blutin was defeated and killed. After a short celebration, Big Man John came in and gave the party the Blanier Cream. Unexpectedly, King Darwick broke in and applied the Blanier Cream to his face, but, as he put too much on, his old shrivelled skin turned into that of a little girl. Darwick Wavis paused, after realising his mistake, and said, "sometimes it just be like that." After a couple seconds, his body turned into an foetus, then a flimsy sperm cell. John Lenin, shocked by this unruly revelation, talks into a walkie-talkie saying, "do it" in an Emperor Palpatine voice. The Death Star of David appeared in the sky and shot down a massive blast from space, destroying all of Galataric, including the party themselves. Known Members Category:The Wavis D&D Legend Category:The Swords of the King Category:Protagonist Parties Category:Parties